A design for life

Have you ever felt that life’s events have just swept you along? That you’re where you are more by chance than design?

I have. Not that I have any regrets of course. But it’s when I think of my daughter’s life in comparison, I notice things are very different for her generation.

But back to me for a sec…

Memories of primary school are reasonably vague, but I do remember graduating to a Pentel pen from pencil (yes, it was that sort of Head), and I am often reminded by my still-neighbour of the day she dragged me around the sports field to parade the sports day trophy. Photos exist, I am assured. I was perhaps more of a nerd than a competitive sportsman though.

Grammar school followed, and this is where decisions started to be made and paths taken, but I didn’t make any decisions of my own, really. The school had its own priorities to instil – Oxbridge entrants and an all-conquering First Fifteen. At the end of Third Form I found myself ‘Latin streamed’ at the expense of biology, and playing front row. Insightful choices as it happens (isn’t Rome wonderful? But I can take or leave Doctors) and at least now I had a sport that celebrated my physique.

I don’t remember picking A-levels – I’m sure they were picked for me! Back then you didn’t mix subjects as you do now; you did ‘science’ or you did ‘art’. It’s bonkers really. Those constraints end up shaping what you’ll do and who you’ll become. So I thought, until this week when I learned Keir Starmer studied Maths, Physics,,,,, and Music! So I was right, whatever happened to him?

Passing swiftly over my glory years in Bristol, graduating with a degree in Economics, and an interest in the related new science of ‘human behaviour’ - both of which have come in handy.

What next? Well, the property ladder of course. I bought my first home in 1990 for £60k. Excellent, there I was, making it. The ultimate signifier of responsible adulthood. Or was it? I sold for £38k a couple of years later. The property ladder wasn’t so solid after all, but I had outgrown my one-bedroom house very quickly. It couldn’t happen again, could it?

Of course, we learn from these experiences, it’s the only way we learn. Have you tried telling anyone who hasn’t actually gone through it themselves that houses can fall in value?

For Millennials, things are much different

For them renting is normal, and my daughter says she might never buy; not until I die anyway, and she inherits. Charming. This new housing paradigm might have sent a shiver down my spine before now.

There’s no certainty she’ll want to marry and/or start a family either. In my day it was natural for people to want to do this when they got to a certain stage – now it’s not necessarily a given.

I can understand that too. The average cost of raising a child to adulthood these days is 223,256, according to the latest research from investment platform Moneyfarm. Then there are concerns about the environment. Global uncertainties also make people feel uncertain about the future their children will face.

So what do I want for my daughter? I want her to have agency and control over her life and for her to be able to consciously choose what she’s doing and where she’s going next. To be able to decide that she doesn’t want to work and live in London any longer and that she can just get up and go. To be adaptable in her journey. With a 100-year life, the old three-part model of learn, work, retire, (die) isn’t fit for purpose any longer. We will need to look beyond that to multiple careers, multiple transitions, and more flexibility.

Agency is what I want for my clients too.

The alternative: to follow the herd, to go into one sausage machine and hope you come out happy the other end seems bizarre when you think about it. We can take advantage of the freedoms that the younger generations are enjoying. But how? For us, it’s often easier said than done – especially if we’re using to going with the flow. Years of learned behaviour are naturally hard to disrupt.

There are scientific reasons why it’s difficult to focus on what we truly want

Stepping away from pre-ordained paths is incredibly challenging. Especially if it’s something we’ve just grown used to. There are some scientific reasons for this:

Cognitive load and decision fatigue: The average person makes 35,000 decisions a day apparently. That’s one decision every 2.46 seconds. And that’s just about things like what to have for breakfast. You can see why big life decisions might feel better put on the back burner.

Heuristics and biases: To manage cognitive load, our brains rely on heuristics - mental shortcuts that simplify decision making. For example, when you see a person with their hood up in a dark alley and you decide to walk past them a bit faster, your brain has probably used a heuristic to evaluate the situation instead of a fully thought-out decision-making process. While heuristics can be useful, they often lead to biases that can affect our judgments and decisions. Confirmation bias for example leads us to favour information that confirms our existing beliefs, which can limit our ability to see new opportunities or solutions.

Societal expectations: Societal norms and expectations can also influence our decisions, often leading us to pursue goals that don’t align with our true desires. Think ‘Keeping up with the Joneses’. It’s sometimes easier to look to other people and what they’re doing to get an idea of what to aim for, but this can mean we become disconnected from what truly makes us happy.

So while all that might make us feel off the hook a bit, how to we try to tune in to what we really want from life and get to our true desires?

Well, this where financial planning comes in

The questions I ask clients are designed to unearth the wants and desires they might not even realise they have:

·       What activities make you lose track of time?

·       When do you feel most fulfilled?

·       What achievements are you most proud of?

There are other ways to approach this too. Sometimes others can see our strengths and passions more clearly than we can. Talking to trusted friends, family, or mentors can provide valuable perspectives on your potential and interests.

The important thing is to do it, and to allow it to feel unnatural to begin with. It may be that you’re on the right track after all, but surely it’s better to know that for sure?

It’s never too late to reassess and pursue what you truly want to do

This might be something you need to practice regularly. It’s something I do consciously, as you might have gathered from reading some of my articles. If I can do it you can! Then, and only then, can a well thought-out financial plan can help you explore the ways and means to achieve it, or see the changes that might be needed to help you get there.